Character & Honesty
3/30/2020 11:32:00 AM | Men's Tennis
From the age of five, I've judged myself ruthlessly by my results.
It's a good thing to have such an innate competitive base. It put me in the best position to win with what I had. Sometimes, this turned into nine-hour work days and seven-day work weeks. Brutal training plans in hopes of avoiding an upset at the next tournament.
That fire inside lets me look back and believe I've been able to reach a good amount of my potential. I once told Head Coach of Indiana, Jeremy Wurtzman, if not for this fire, I'd be your #6, not your #1.
That internal burn has given me priceless experiences. From National Championships, Professional Titles, leading Canadas Junior Team & a Big Ten Team, and even getting to play against the best in the world at a Masters 1000 tournament.
And although I've spent most of my career in some sort of mental and/or physical unease, I have no regrets, just lessons learned.
Two important lessons were on character and honesty – the title of my story.
Injuries led me to stop playing for a year and take a coaching position at the University of Oklahoma. Before the experience, I placed most of my value marbles in toughness and competitiveness. My father gave me that gift, a former tennis and hockey coach who demanded, well, toughness and competitiveness at all times.
I'm fortunate to have had a parent who made me tougher rather than simplified the circumstances.
I tend to be quite analytical. I see it as a useful tool that gives me confidence in my perspective and decisions. I try to work things through with hopes of finding an end goal, sometimes obsessively.
I also read a fair bit which seems to act as a catalyst for my ideas and insights. I believe reading is a source of stimuli for my thoughts and has triggered a lot of clarity and self-growth. Reading has been my main advisor on my comeback journey to professional tennis.
Through pondering, books, travel, experiences, and mentors, I've come to seriously learn the value of character and honesty in sport and life.
Character
It appalls me when people (I've been guilty of it in the past too) judge their own or other's self-worth by how well they hit a yellow, fuzzy ball inside some painted lines.
If they are not using their skills to create a more meaningful impact, I just don't see what is so admirable about them (myself included).
Yet, so many continue to define the worth of someone by their level of skill with a tennis racquet and a ball. As if being good with two toys is equivalent to solving global poverty. That is so twisted to me. These days, if I notice someone judging me by something other than my character or actions, I'd likely give less than an ounce of care about their approval.
If I catch myself doing the same, I'd immediately indulge in some serious realignment work. I remember this specifically after my title win in November.
The same spectators that were booing me in a previous loss were now complimenting me and asking for pictures. I thought to myself:
I couldn't wrap my head around their method of judgment.
Head Coach of Oklahoma, Nick Crowell, was a model for character strength to me. As a staff, we consistently underwent character tests. Test after test, I witnessed Coach respond with an answer that included moral integrity. It was his main preach to his players and assistants.
We were taught to sacrifice our character for nothing.
Part of having character is toughness, too, standing up for what is right.
In the end, it was through this quality that we achieved most of our success. In fact, it was character that drove us to the Sweet 16.
He talked about how the "GOATS" (Brady, Federer, Crosby, James) were all able to have unbelievable careers and longevity.
It is important that your talents are never brought down by your lack of moral judgment. These aforementioned "GOATS" were rarely sidetracked with unnecessary off-sport distractions. Look at Woods, Tyson and Iverson, they all took hits to their career after poor personal life decisions.
Whether you've had success or not, at least be able to take pride in who you are. We've all had slips in character at times, but we should all strive towards continuous strength in character.
It is no doubt that good leaders must have the skills and credibility, but the best leaders must have that plus impeccable character.
And I'm fortunate to have had some of the best coaches around me that taught me just that.
Honesty
I had something special at Indiana, the type of player-coach relationship athletes rarely get.
I've come to realize that it was mostly achieved through honesty. Coach Wurtzman and I never hid from conflict in pursuit of a solution.
We outright said both the good and the bad, no matter how hard to hear.
His honesty helped me develop into the player I became and saved a hell of a lot of time. Since Indiana, I always tell athletes that if they want to have a strong relationship with their coach, go into their office with the intention of achieving productive solutions by speaking the truth.
You want a culture that prioritizes honesty and trust among others.
However, everyone must speak the truth in pursuit of good rather than for discrediting. Honesty avoids delusion. As a coach, if I thought my guys were being soft or lazy, it would be a disservice to walk away without them knowing it.
You need a coach that will tell you the truth, so you don't get your butt completely whooped come game time.
I've witnessed a lot of private coaches let accountability slide to avoid the potential conflict. Those coaches don't deserve their paycheck, in my opinion.
Coach Wurtzman did me right by constantly addressing the truth with me.
Final Words
I'll end my piece by hoping to aid 'the delusional' who reads this. Whatever your desired outcome is, if you are not getting it, the reason is because you are just not good enough yet.
There is no time to be sad or frustrated, just get better if you truly long for your outcome. A good example would be bench players who ask why they are not in the lineup when they think they should be.
To them, I'd say that they have to get good enough to the point where everyone thinks they should be in and not just themselves.
99% is uncertain, 100% is without a doubt.
Until there is no doubt, they are simply not good enough.
Honesty will clear your headspace from all the garbage and contamination and will instead allow you to live clearly and purposefully.
So, go for it!
Players Mentioned
